we had such a wonderful christmas this year. and we traveled quite a bit! emery was such a good babe - for the entire 16 day trip! after the past four christmas' spent in florida, we were finally able to spend one with MY family. my heart was full..and so was my stomach. constantly.

i can't believe 2011 is two days away. i've already started my list of things to do. we'll see just how many i check off this year. i was going to post my accomplishments from this past year, but its just embarrassing. i'm very thankful for a new, fresh year.

our [2 year] anniversary is on sunday. unbelievable. marriage, a new home, and a baby. we are making some progress!

here's my baby girl at 3 months old!

I wish I could blog every day. I technically could, but I always just forget. Then I have a long list of things I want to update about. Oh well..maybe one day.

I can't believe its December. I can't believe Emery is going to be 3 months old. Heck, I still can't even believe I have a BABY.

Yesterday, Emery rolled over all by herself! I think it startled her more than anything! My days of letting her lay on the couch while I clean are over. I can't believe how proud I am of such a little person. She blows my mind every day. Today, I'm watching her reach for rattles as she lays on her little ocean mat. So proud. Seriously.

We've got a lot of traveling ahead of us the next couple of weeks, but will end up with my family for Christmas in Indiana and I cannot wait.

There is so much more that I wanted to say, but can't remember. I need to start blogging every day.

Happy Two Months!

updates:

little emery is 2 months old and i cannot believe it. she had her check-up on Wednesday and she is healthy as can be! 23 inches long (75th percentile for her height!) and weighs 10lb 7oz (50th percentile for weight!) those three shots she had done, though....BROKE my little heart. ugh. she's sleeping like a champ! no less than 8 hours a night. thank you, jesus. and she's smiling all the time. cooing away as she tries real hard to talk to me. i'm just waiting for the belly laugh. she's so close, i can feel it. i am still so taken by this little baby girl.

we're going home for christmas in exactly one month and i am absolutely beside myself. i haven't seen snow at christmas in years. so ready for that. and emery will have her first experience with the cliche santa at the mall. yay :)

i've already begun listening to christmas music...and thanksgiving is still a week away. i don't care. i love it.

i've been able to [finally] get back into the gym and its been wonderful. still a ways to go, but its good to get my heart pumping again.

family photos are on tuesday and i've yet to pick out outfits. this could be a little stressful come monday night. but we'll have photos for christmas cards, and there's really nothing better :)

our lovely friends are in town from Japan this week! today we're spending time with them over lunch. thankful for these friends that are so dear.

happy weekend, everyone!

while emery took a nap one afternoon, i was able to get back into my sewing class. this project? bunting! i stole the phrase from another friend in the class...thank you britney!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

i've never really liked the color pink. i always told myself that if i ever had a little girl, i would dress her in yellows and purples and greens. a little pink here and there, but never too much. once we found out we were having a girl, looking for nursery bedding was so difficult. we landed on pink and green bedding and i felt ok with it - still adding as much green to the room as i could.

today? my life has been taken over by the color pink. we have pink blankets, pink onesies, pink paci's, pink burp cloths, pink socks, pink hats, pink headbands and bows...there is a splash of pink in every room of our house.

this morning i pulled some laundry out of the dryer and...pink lint. i balled it up in my hand and laughed a little. pink is now my absolute favorite color.

our little girl. one month old.

updates:

-emery is officially sleeping in her crib every night. i still sleep in the guest room next to her. maybe one day i'll be brave enough to go back to my own room :)

-i am SO in love with the weather we've had this past week. totally puts me in the mood to decorate for the fall season. i can't believe its almost november!

-i'm going home in 2 weeks. can't wait to see the fam fam..and have everyone meet this little girl whom i love so very much.

-parenthood is settling well with matt and i. we laugh SO much and really enjoy all of the new things that come with having a child. i am so thankful for this little family i have been given.

-i really miss sewing. lots of ideas i've got stirring around in my head. hoping to make some time for that, soon!

she finally lost her cord and we were able to give her a big girl bath. at first, she wasn't too fond of it...but then started to get the hang of it. we laughed so hard. she is the cutest.

matt blahnik legs? i think so.

well, she is here! little emery lauren blahnik came on september 17th, and our life "as we know it" IS completely different. from her first bath at home to the faces that she makes as she's waking up...matt and i just cannot get enough of her. she's is getting so big so quickly - changing every day.

i am so proud of her already. she is such a good, calm, and laid back baby. her paci isn't that important to her (thank goodness) and my favorite times with her are lying next to her, starring at each other. she loves her dad a lot, too. sometimes i think she stops crying on purpose when i give her to him. :)

we love her. so much. time with her is so sweet, and we're soaking in every little moment we have.

the latest question people ask these days?
"what's your biggest fear in becoming a mom?"

my biological mom left when i was just months old - leaving my sweet 22 year old dad to figure it out himself. (this may or may not have meant giving me chocolate milk in a bottle at 6 months old). hah. but though i've forgiven much, i still tend to struggle with the 'why' even though it doesn't really matter anymore. the one thing i always seem to come back to - whether its true or false - is "guess she just didn't love me enough." so as i'm asked this question, i let out a big sigh followed by a "hmm...", trying to come up with a good answer. and every single time...in the far back corner of my little heart...i always fear not being able to love enough.

am i going to walk away? heck no. do i doubt my ability to love this little girl with everything i've got. never. but do i want to surround her with a love that never makes her doubt her worth or who she is or what she means to not only me, but every single person that knows her? absolutely.

i've got this picture in my head of what she'll be like. and no - its not one of those "i have the perfect child, no matter what you tell me" kind of [skewed] pictures. its a picture of a person who loves well BECAUSE she is loved well. who serves. who gives. who knows who she is in jesus and who is not afraid of that. whose character is much like her dads and whose free spirit is admired [and healthy] - like i would hope mine finally is. :)

matt and i have both been given SUCH great examples of what love looks like. and i've been given two wonderful parents who HAVE loved enough. my dad is the hardest working (and talented) man i know. scripture resounds within him - no matter what the conversation is. my mom is level headed. she listens to me, but tells me what i need to hear. and whether im in a good or bad position, she assures me that "in 5 years, this will not matter so much."

i'm having a baby soon. real soon. and i really hope i'm able to love her as much and as well as i have been. that will most definitely be "enough."

matt never reads this blog,
so i think im safe to talk about surprises i have for him.
for his gift at the hospital, i bought him a new bible.
you should see the one he currently uses..
its really falling apart!
[which i suppose is a wonderful thing]
so i purchased a bible, sewed together a gift bag
and i can't wait to give it to him. i hope he likes it.

i keep reading about being able to breathe better once this baby drops.
its really hard to fill my lungs up with air when taking a deep breath these days.
i feel like its impossible. like i've lost a small ability in knowing how to breathe correctly. so weird.
i'm 39 weeks today. no sign of this girl getting bored in there, and thats ok.
i can't really fathom not having a pregnant belly anymore.
although it gets in the way of so many things - even my household chores,
its become really familiar. and warm. :)

maybe it will happen tomorrow. maybe i have two more weeks.
either way, i'm really going to miss my kangaroo-like life :)

the bump
babycenter
fit pregnancy
the daily kick
parents community
pregnancy weekly
planning family

these are just some of the websites i look at, emails i receive, and info i've gathered from for the past 9 months. these sites have become part of my morning routine after (literally) rolling out of bed, heading straight to relieve my bladder (before it seemingly feels like its going to do it on its own - with or without the proper setting), fixing myself breakfast, and sitting down at our computer. though the majority of these sites all say the same thing each day, it gives me a small sense of peace as i read each article, search each recall, and smile at each little baby photo/story. i have no idea how to be a mom..but there is a sort of comfort in at least reading about it. even IF its a shallow couple of hours in searching for the perfectly cute and trendy diaper bag...and shamelessly coveting the one coach has designed.

i'm feeling really good, still. this little babe is getting big and taking a toll on all the organs that surround her. i still can't believe we will have a little person living with us in 2 weeks. i can't believe i will no longer be at home alone all day, bored out of my mind. i can't believe we will have a third person to feed, dress, load in the car, and take everywhere we go. i think about all of the things i have to do to get myself out the door...and still manage to forget something(s). hopefully she is never one of them. ;) even sitting here, i start zoning out on how different life will look. our house has been taken over by her pack n play, bouncer, swing, high chair, bassinet, bottles, etc. packed in her drawers and in her closet hangs more outfits than even i own. ok, thats a lie...but the girl has a wardrobe, for sure! i feel like the idea and preparation for her to get here has already changed our lives so much...its crazy in realizing that it hasn't even BEGUN yet.

BUT. She is and will be loved so very much...with or without the trendy diaper bag.

lately, my idea of a good night is sitting at home
[mainly because i have to move around a lot less when i'm there]

and here is my little project for the evening - an ironing board cover. i am loving this sweet sewing class, though i wish the fabric store was a little closer.

my projects so far:

pin cushion


gift bag


tote

a new singer curvy! my early birthday gift!. happy 25th to ME!

today is SUCH an exciting day! for my birthday this year, matt has allowed me to purchase a sewing machine, all the tools needed, and signed me up for a sewing class! i cannot even wait!

updates:

- closing in on four more weeks til baby emery is here. we toured our hospital this morning. it is nothing short of breath-taking...







...did i mention they offer mani/pedi's and a spa service here? as well as a 4 course meal for Matt and I before we leave? hello.

- came home to find that the crib bedding we ordered 3 months ago will not be arriving. back to searching. i am one sad girl.

- yesterday was the baby dedications at church. its my favorite sunday of the month. i cried. matt tapped a drum beat on my shoulder with his thumb the whole time. he really gets into it.

- i am really big. like, REALLY big. sometimes i just don't even know what to do with myself. but i do not enjoy being this large. i do know that. my little heart is full of emotion these days. i'm going to be a mom in a month.

woah.

"It's the greatness of God that inspires us and amazes us when we see it. But its the goodness of God that humbles us. That breaks us and brings us to our knees. The goodness and the greatness of God must go hand in hand. A great God who is not good is merely just a God to be feared. He's the God of legalism. He's the God of rules and religion. That God is not a loving God. That God is out to get you - and many of you have known that God for a long time. But a good God who is not great is really nothing more than hallmark sentimentality and nice little slogans and bumper stickers. That is not a powerful God. We like this warm and fuzzy God, but He doesn't have the power. Our God is actually a God who is good AND great. A God who CAN and a God who CARES. Unlimited power but unconditional love. That is who God is. We should live in and expect God to be both good and great."

-Jarrett Stevens

in less than 48 hours, i will be home. i can hardly contain my excitement. its been one whole year!

my beautiful parents.. and then my sisters.. who will always be prettier than me.

update:

today was a good day for a goodwill trip! i scored on a few sets of cute coffee mugs.. now my mom and dad will have regular sized coffee cups to drink from when they're here. apparently the ones we had were too big! oh!..and i found a vase for one of our white shelves.

matt and i will be flying to indiana in TWO WEEKS to spend five days with my family. it has been an entire year since i've been there with them. i'm so glad for the time away and even more happy that matt will get to come with me! and did i mention the middle sis is graduating from HIGH SCHOOL tomorrow? still haven't come to grips with that.

one of my best friends hopped on a plane yesterday to columbia for a year. though she was a 4 hour trip away normally, and i only saw here a few times a semester, i am going to miss her immensely. still can't believe she actually did it. love you, girl. can't wait to see all of your brown babies.

we are STILL unpacking in our new house. i think i might be about 90% done. starting to see a teeny tiny light at the end of this forever-long tunnel.

in the pregnancy world, i still continue to feel SO good every day. i definitely have the occasional fit when my cute size 6 jeans won't button.. or let the tears flow over something silly on our way into a restaurant to eat dinner (those are matts favorite times).. and i may or may not be eating us out of house and home...BUT i am feeling good :) hah.

and lastly, i've been going through alllllll of our photos, trying to clean out our iphoto because our poor lappy is running out of room. i came across some oldies...but they're so good/funny/happy:

if you know me well at all, you know i could easily spend my entire lives earnings blowing every penny on etsy.com.

and for the past 2 months, the most stressful (believe it or not) thing about this entire pregnancy has been settling on crib bedding for little bebe. i have searched online for hours upon hours feeling nothing but dissatisfied with the choices at hand. until one day, i decided to search "crib bedding" on etsy. and as of about 2 hours ago, i'd like to officially declare that i have found it!

the girl i found on etsy sews custom crib bedding. a 4 pc set including a sheet, bumper, skirt, and baby quilt. the best part? you get to choose every single piece of fabric! so congratulations, you get a sneak peek at the beautiful fabrics i've chosen for our little girl!

my second favorite tiny box ever received - next to my pretty engagement ring. the key to our new home!

these next few words are filled with nothing but meaningless venting.

looking for, finding, pursuing, purchasing, and waiting to get this house has possibly been one of the most frustrating things i have ever done. ever. another delay...and we now have to wait til after we get back from vacation to close on it...instead of closing tomorrow. part of me feels like its never going to happen. or its going to burn down to the ground before we even get the chance to sign the papers. grrr.

on a happier note, i am still picking out paint and looking at a bagillion different decorating ideas for each room in the house. i am so obsessed with this baby room, its ridiculous. and i'm pretty sure it will end up being my favorite room in the whole house. i still can't really wrap my mind around everything that is happening around me. crazy.

i got sunburned today. my face is tight and red. i can't lay out there like i used to. i'd rather a nap in the AC, please.

a cruise to cozumel in THREE days will put my little self to ease.. :)

ITS A GIRLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after a couple weeks of up-and-downs, we finally have an answer on our house. today we got the loan and close NEXT THURSDAY. i found out about 5 hours ago and am STILL in disbelief. i'm excited and scared and so happy and real nervous. but so thankful that it has all worked out and i can soon bid farewell to the three flights of stairs i climb every single day, the speed bumps that TAKE OVER our drive into our apartment, and the annoying U-Turn we have to take every time we enter the complex.

this new home will be a place we can really settle into, make our own, and grow. i am beyond thrilled :)

school. housewarming party. close on house. cruise. work on new house. kristin. youth camp. home to indiana. sisters come to florida. baby shower. youth camp. vaca to south carolina. baby shower. birthday. wedding in chicago. BABY.

craziest/fastest/busiest/best summer ahead.

updates:

- i need to apologize to my pretty little hydrangea's that matt bought for me a couple of weeks ago. i had high hopes for these little guys...but i will never have a green thumb. ever. sorry pretty petals. i did my best.

- i am a sorry excuse for a house wife these days. totally unacceptable when your husband runs out of his skibbies because you're not keeping up on laundry. i'm definitely not doing my best in that area...and need to be better. and don't even get me STARTED on cooking dinner. ugh.

- i had the worst dream about my little sister last night. it dealt with trampling horses and broken bones. all the while, i just stood there and watched. it woke me up and i just couldn't fall back to sleep. matt never dreams. i envy that.

- i am obsessed with looking at baby rooms. its kind of pathetic. i still don't have any set ideas, and really need to find out what this little person is going to be so i have a better idea of what to go off of. two more weeks!

- school's out for the summer in two weeks as well! then we're going on a cruise in three. i love my lifeee.

- i am really into Christy Nockels lately. Sandra McCracken is definitely a favorite of mine, too. her new album is coming out the end of this month and i am so pumped. love her hymns.

- speaking of hymns, i am missing indiana. they hold revival weeks and this week is one of them. you don't realize it at the time, but i took those evenings for granted. such great words spoken in those messages. God really moves.

- do you ever really loathe your attitude? i've become more and more convicted of mine the past couple of weeks. its to the point where i can't stand myself, and have a certain relationship suffering because of it. i am so selfish and set in my own ways of thinking. its not fair. its really ugly. and i really need to get over myself. "and they will know us by our love."

alright! laundry time! :)

"you're going to be such a great mom!"

i've heard that phrase a few times after people found out i was expecting, and every single time i hear it, my heart swells. granted, its a pretty common phrase amongst women who have friends expecting their first child. i've said it a few times myself. but as i get further into this pregnancy, this season, this life altering place...i begin to connect more and more with the cliche phrases.

"i don't care what it is, as long as its healthy."

"i just want whats best for my children."

"it's a different kind of love when you have a child."

this little peanut is still developing. i haven't a clue what its private parts are. there are so many unknowns when it comes to what s/he will look, talk, and act like. but already, there has been such growth inside of me to fight for everything that has anything do with him/her. i am so in love...and can truthfully say - from the deep, unknown parts of me - i never thought i could love this much.

"let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

matthew 19:14

after a long and somewhat frustrating search, we have found our home! signed the paperwork today and submitted our first deposit. i'm so excited about it i could barely sleep last night, and have been up since very early this morning looking for ideas on how to put a house together. [this is huge as my sleep is pretty important to me these days.] if all goes well [and by all, i basically mean the inspection] we should be in no later than mid-may. i still can't believe it!

weeee!!

tonight i am overwhelmed.

granted, most of it is petty and will absolutely iron out eventually. but i'm in a weird funk and i don't like it.

one. matt and i are trying to purchase our first home. i fell in love with one - which we're currently in negotiation on - but it is taking too long for my liking, and we've got a deadline to meet. it's being suggested that we look for something different and i'm having a tough time getting excited/motivated about doing so.

two. baby registries are far most intense than wedding registries. i cannot even believe all of the things to research and prepare for and purchase. embracing the nervousness of parenting even now.

three. i loathe school. more specifically online classes. may 1st, please come soon.

so tonight, i'm setting all 3 things aside. i'm going to take a bath, lay on my couch and read a book. i am a firm believer that everything can wait til tomorrow.

hm!

and she sings world
i've overcome you world
i've overcome you world
i've overcome by my song and the blood of a son.

for the past few months now, i keep having this dream. it occurs once every couple of weeks. the first few of them were completely identical, ending in the same spot each time - but never ending with a resolution. as i napped this afternoon, i had that dream again. and again it was identical. but this time, the dream was taken a little further. still no resolution but definitely getting closer to it.

first of all, i don't wish to share this dream, as the back story is too personal. but if i could just say...i would rather dream about anything in the world other than this. i can't think of anything else that wrecks my little heart in the way that this dream or the idea of it coming into fruition does. the one thing [besides the feeling i have when i wake up] that i fear most is dreaming it again and learning what the end looks like.

so here's to awful dreams. to confusion and fear. but to a hope that no matter what the outcome is in dream world or real life, the love of God is stronger.

today i am fifteen weeks pregnant. almost four months. i am unashamedly addicted to babycenter.com, where i get weekly updates regarding how big the babe is. the comparison is always to a food. this week, i'm toting around an apple.

my excitement for this little person grows more and more each day. trying to verbally explain the love and fight i already have for him or her would not be possible. granted, i am still terrified. i get overwhelmed when reading about how to take care of an infant, the differences between the 13 different strollers to register for, and most of all - NAMES. oh man. i think about my life right now and how its already begun to change. my perspectives have shifted. this season is really taking hold of me.

some days [most days] i feel more than incapable of this. i have so much to be thankful and excited for, and even in the midst of my fears and hesitations toward this next phase of life, i am so sure that jesus is the one that continually calms me.

What.

am i doing awesome at this blogging deal, or what?

i'd just like to point out how right i am. i envisioned this year to be even harder than last year, and 24 days into it, i have proven myself correct.

hello, people...i am pregnant.

Beginning.

I never really get excited about the coming new year. I don't announce resolutions that are made in expectation of a positive movement in my life. I've not had a year that's been so difficult to the point where I can't wait to move past it. This year, however, I feel different. I'm twenty four years old and more days than not, I feel like I have no grasp on who I was, am, and want to be. I'm gathering from older friends that this is a common feeling that takes over in your mid-twenties, so I'm going to cling to that excuse to keep from feeling crazy.

Has this year been difficult? Absolutely. Has it been the hardest yet? You betcha. Will 2010 be any better? Who knows. If its not...I've got to be honest in saying that I would not be the least bit surprised. BUT. I still feel like I have a choice in how I choose to live out some areas in my life. And for that reason, I, Ashley Blahnik have made a New Years Goal list. (Resolutions sound so odd to me, still.)

It goes a little something like this:

1.) I love the idea of a blog. I've tried it a few times, and in those times it has made me really happy. I like writing out my thoughts. I like reading the thoughts of others. I think its a nice little escape for emotion, ideas, and life. So, my goal for 2010 is to commit to blogging.

2.) I have a gym membership. I pay $30 a month for that baby. I signed up in August, was very faithful for the first two months, but since then I've gotten really busy and tired and lazy (and full of excuses). My goal for 2010 is to commit to the gym at least 3 times a week.

3.) Working out ripples into this goal a little bit. I really want to start being more aware of the things that I put in my body. I want to eat healthier, maybe more organic? I hate vegetables and chocolate is wayyy better than fruit, but my goal for 2010 is to try to eat better.

4.) For as long as I can remember, I have prayed for creativity to take over my being. Hasn't happened yet, but I am determined to change it. I want to learn to crochet. Tomorrow, I will buy some yarn, a crochet needle(?), and a how-to book. In 2010, I will learn to crochet...and you may or may not be receiving a tiiiiight scarf for Christmas next year.

5.) I have a terrible vocabulary. I'm fascinated with new words lately, however. I constantly ask poeple "what does that mean?" if I don't understand a particular word I hear. It's a little young sounding, but I don't care. So through that, I have a desire to read more. In 2010, I want to read 30 books. If you have any suggestions for something good, do tell.

I feel like this is a solid, realistic, exciting start to a New Year. This is who I want to be. These are the things that I want to go after.

Aqui nós vamos.